Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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