Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
