The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
