Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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