OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
