she looked like the before picture.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
