I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
He shit in the fireplace
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
