sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Randomize
