i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
