I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Randomize
