i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Randomize
