Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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