hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
