I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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