If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
