.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
