I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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