I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
