we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
