WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
