If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
