it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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