Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
