ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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