MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
