I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
