Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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