She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
