I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
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