and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
