Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize