somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
