i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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