oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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