his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
