I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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