its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
