I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
do herpes really smell.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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