dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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