6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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