I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
