I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
