we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
