Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
