i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
