like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
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