took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize