the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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