At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
