i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
