Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
