if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
