you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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