If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
