Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
