i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
They are going to name an STD after you.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
