Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
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