I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
