took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
