DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
