It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
