I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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