Dual....:-)
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I love you.
Bad choice
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
