i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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