you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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