haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
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