So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
foreskin is a definite game changer
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
