just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
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