after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
