Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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