cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
This is the high leading the old right now
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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