There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
it's not cheating when I paid for it
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
